ALOHA - It Must Be Seen to be Believed

By Daniel Epler

There's a reason some films are labeled a "train wreck". Train wrecks are a horrific thing. Everything has gone so vastly wrong that results in a brutal tragedy. And it's so huge and so horrible you can't look away. You're fascinated by the catastrophe. Aloha by Cameron Crowe.... is a train wreck.

Aloha is a romantic comedy from wonderful film maker Cameron Crowe and it should be exactly the kind of film I would love. I love Hawaii. I love romantic films. And I love Cameron Crowe. But I am utterly fascinated by how terrible a failure Aloha is. It's about Bradley Cooper as... a washed out army man... and he works for billionaire... and needs to set off a satellite.... and all the while Emma Stone is going to follow him around to be his body guard... and there's going to be Hawaiian legends.... and missals.... and Chinese terrorist hacks.... I think. I'm doing the best I can to explain this. It's such a mess.

Besides the fact that the script's plot is jumbled and doesn't make sense (and I don't understand how you make a romantic comedy have too convoluted a plot), the dialog is atrocious. No one acts like a real human being in this movie. They say insane things that make no sense, and then retort back with more insane things. People suddenly get crazy angry for no reason, and then get romantically exited for more nonsense. The performances are mostly terrible, although I can't fault the actors. I have to believe it's the script and direction. Emma Stone is particularly awful as she channels Jim Carrey and thinks she's in Dumb and Dumber To. I truly cannot believe how insanely over the top she is. She's such a wonderful actress and is so charming, I can't begin to understand what she was thinking. At least she mellows out a bit once the script doesn't want us begging her to get off screen any more. Bradley Cooper seems fine, but when you look closer you realize he has no idea who his character is. He gives a generic performance of the generic cool guy, even though he's supposed to be a damaged, beaten down war veteran who's messed up.

There's another plot going on where Cooper reconnects with an old girlfriend, played by Rachel Mcadams. Here lies my biggest issue with the film. First of all, the whole story line doesn't fit in in the least. It's a whole other film shoved into this already convoluted plot because I guess McAdams hadn't hit her romance movie quota for the year. But it could be interesting, right? Maybe the two of them have that old romantic spark. But the problem is McAdams is married to a good man (played by John Krasinski) and has two kids. But the movie doesn't care about them. This film drags Krasinski's character through the mud and treats him with zero respect. McAdams immediately gets flirty with Cooper with no care whatsoever to how her husband would feel about it, and the husband doesn't even react to any of this till the third act. Why is she doing this? We don't even see them have any marriage problems until much later in the film. And the problem they have is so incredibly ridiculous and cartoonish that it can't possibly be taken seriously. So now we get McAdams and Cooper sitting around, flirting, and making fun of her good, decent and hard working husband. I found these scenes not only revolting, but completely nonsensical. It further proves the point that no character in this movie has any idea how to act like a real person.

There are so many great actors in this film. But Bill Murray is totally miscast and just gives us a series of very uncomfortable moments that go on way too long. Alec Baldwin yells so much he might think he's in a spoof movie, and Danny Mcbride... well he was fine I suppose. But there's really nothing to recommend about this movie. There are two moments at the end that I think work, but that's really it. This movie even makes Hawaii look unappealing. I have never seen that before. It left me dying to watch 'The Decedents' for the 100th time. I'm still a great respecter of Cameron Crowe and most of his work, but he has a huge hole to dig himself out of from this one. I'm still glad I saw this movie. I really think it's a movie so bad in such epic proportions that it must be seen to be believed. See it if you dare.